


Hold Me Closer

by goldshard



Series: Rest Easy With Me [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Angst, Bathing/Washing, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Male Infertility, Massage, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mentioned Hinata Shoyo, Omega Suga, Porn With Plot, Rimming, Sex Toys, alpha daichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 00:31:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3589593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldshard/pseuds/goldshard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being with your mate during their heat for the first time is supposed to be romantic. Daichi learns that it's a lot scarier and messier than anyone ever told him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. dalliance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [secretcow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretcow/gifts).



_i_

Koushi was so meticulously, dependably responsible that it shocked Daichi. Ever since he'd presented as an omega and been through his heat, he took his suppressants right on time, everyday. He always texted Daichi to remind him of homework, and was always on hand with whatever Daichi needed—be it painkillers, stain remover, cologne, or a condom.

Koushi being Koushi—that meant there were a lot of conversations before Koushi even considered going off his suppressants. “Do you want to bond with me?” He'd asked Daichi, his face completely serious. It was soon after they'd married.

Daichi had been a little bit offended. “We've been together for five years, married for four months. Of course I want to be your bondmate,” he said, and then he'd become a little suspicious. He knew omegas were susceptible to anxiety and insecurity, and even though Koushi had never had problems with that before, (to Daichi's knowledge) was that happening? He grabbed Koushi's hands, and said to him seriously, “You're perfect, you know, and I love you,” he said.

Koushi pulled his hands away, and smirked, just a little. “It's not a question of whether I'm perfect or not,” he said, “We already know I am. It's a question of whether or not you want me to go into heat.”

Of course Daichi did. He wanted the benefits of being bondmates—it was a far more obvious marker of commitment than any marriage ring. He'd understand Koushi's thoughts and moods better, and so would Koushi for him. Some romantics said bondmates never fell out of love. But, the biggest benefit, Daichi thought, was also the most exciting. Daichi wanted to have a family with Koushi. “I want you to,” Daichi said.

“You're ready for that responsibility?” Koushi said. 

“Hmm?” Daichi asked.

“Okay, what do you know about heat?” Koushi sighed, suddenly exasperated. 

“In heat, omegas make slick and release more pheromones. This is the only time male omegas are fertile. The refractory period is shortened, and the pheromones will cause nearby unrelated alphas to go into rut if exposed long enough.”

“Okay, so you paid attention in Sex Ed,” Koushi said. “I know you have beta parents. But seriously, alphas don't brag about this?”

“I don't like listening to other alphas talking about banging their mates,” Daichi said, “I think it's demeaning to them.” 

“Don't you brag about me?” Koushi said.

“I don't brag about our sex life,” Daichi said.

“Then what do you brag about?”

“How smart you are. How dependable you are. How lucky I am,” Daichi said, touching Koushi's cheek.

Koushi slapped his hand away. “Gross.”

The days that followed that were puncuated by Koushi texting him sex ed websites, and Daichi texting back,  _YEAH I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU._

Daichi did read the pages though, and he didn't realize how much of a mess omegas were during heat before then. The pages said it varied, but the list of symptoms kept racking up in his head. Dehydration. Muscle weakness. Loss of recognition. Vomiting. Most omegas were unable to walk by day two, and Daichi couldn't help but to imagine shy fifteen year old Koushi needing his mother's help to go to the bathroom during his first heat, and Daichi's stomach turned.

Daichi brought the topic up randomly over dinner. “How bad are you?” He asked, ending the previous conversation.

Koushi knew immediately what he was talking about. “I was pretty bad last I was in heat,” he said. “But I was only fifteen. It can fluctuate with age.”

“Hmm,” Daichi said, pushing his peas around with his fork.

“Think you're alpha enough for it?” Koushi teased. 

“Of course I am,” Daichi replied, incensed.

“Are you alpha enough for kids?” Koushi said.

“Hell yeah,” Daichi replied.

“Oh geez.” Koushi rubbed his forehead, and laughed. Just a little. 

_ii_

Koushi stopped taking his suppressants, and he started getting a little fussy. Daichi knew that omegas bodies basically spent all year getting ready for heat, so the suppressants omegas took had a constant effect on their hormones. 

Daichi was a good husband. He went out and bought chocolate, he let Koushi use all the hot water. He massaged Koushi's stomach and lower back. 

The suppressants Koushi took had an impact on his scent, and once the suppressants were fully flushed from his system this change was most apparent. Looking back, Daichi was sure that his tolerance for cooking two dinners because Koushi declared he didn't want the first one, taking cold showers, and not having sex for weeks was mainly induced by the fact that he wasn't used to his omega's scent being so intense—Koushi's scent was intoxicating, and when they were at home the house was completely saturated with it. It kept Daichi on a bit of a high every evening, and Daichi would reflect that that was probably the only reason that domestic bliss was maintained.

As early March, the time they projected got closer, Koushi got more miserable, and Daichi more accommodating. Daichi knew his reproductive system was basically turning itself inside out, and he didn't want to think anymore about it. 

Koushi called in sick to work a few times, and for a solid week in February, he was basically bed bound. Daichi called the doctor about this, and the doctor assured him that it was all normal. “Male omegas are usually able to tune out the pain of reproductive alignment,” the doctor told him, “But for the first heat, and the first one after a long time on suppressants, their body doesn't always do the job right. It's like women having cramps, but on a larger scale.”

“So what do I do to help?” Daichi asked the doctor.

“Lower back massages and pain killers will help,” the doctor said. “Even if he's bed bound most of the time, you should help him get up and walk around. If he's agile enough, some yoga can help relieve his pain,” the doctor said. “I can email you some videos and routines.”

“That'd be great,” Daichi told him.

It didn't go as well as planned. 

Daichi was instructed to help ease Koushi into the poses, and Koushi was not a willing participant. “I don't want to do this,” he whined, watching Daichi roll out the yoga mat. 

“Doctor said it'd help,” Daichi muttered. “Come on, get up.”

He offered Koushi his hands, and situated Koushi onto the mat. Most of the exercises focused on stretching his core and working those muscles. For the first couple of poses, Koushi cooperated.

He was beginning to break out into a faint sweat. Daichi knew this was going to affect him, and he realized the yoga would soon be over. He could see the beginnings of pain in Koushi's eyes, and Koushi knew just as well as he did that Daichi was not acclimated to the shift in his scent yet, and would shortly be very pliable.

“Okay,” Daichi said, and then swallowed. “Downward facing dog next,” he said, and began to push on Koushi's shoulders and knees. With his ass in the air, Koushi was disgusted.

“No!” He protested, “I don't want this one!” Before Daichi could stop him, Koushi let himself fall down, right on his sore and aching abdomen. 

The effect was immediate. Koushi whined in pain, and tear drops pricked at the corners of his eyes.  _Don't panic_ , Daichi thought to himself. His husband was in pain—his omega was hurting—it was his responsibility to fix that. He rolled Koushi over, and pulled him onto his lap, letting the omega curl in his hold and bury his nose in the crook of Daichi's neck. 

Daichi concentrated on calming him, and felt Koushi's body grow more pliable as Koushi inhaled his pheromones and calmed. He hummed, letting Koushi listen to the deep rumbling in his throat, and he massaged circles very gently onto Koushi's abdomen. 

The pained noises decreased, his breath slowed, and Koushi's alarming scent began to waver and fade. Daichi curled his hand that wasn't rubbing Koushi's stomach in his short gray locks. 

“I'm sorry I've been so lousy and needy lately,” Koushi muttered into his neck.

“You don't have anything to be sorry about,” Daichi said. 

“I didn't realize it'd be this bad,” Koushi muttered. “I thought I was well informed, but I wasn't.”

“You were on suppressants for nine years,” Daichi said. “That's a really long time to be weaning yourself off them,” he said. “It's okay for there to be unforeseen consequences.”

“I just hate feeling vulnerable like this,” Koushi muttered, and Daichi realized he was crying again. 

“I'm gonna pick you up,” Daichi warned, “And run you a bath.”

With a grunt of effort, he lifted his own body and Koushi's, and moved them into the bathroom. He set Koushi down on the counter, and turned on the water. It was hotter than he liked, but just the way Koushi loved it. He undressed himself, and Koushi slid off the counter and did the same, but Daichi decided to hold onto him as he stepped into the bathtub, because water was slippery, and Daichi wasn't going to risk it.

He turned off the tap once the bath was mostly filled, and climbed in behind Koushi, who then settled himself between Daichi's legs and against his chest. It was a tight fit in their narrow tub, but it was very intimate. 

Koushi reclined, and his head rested on Daichi's shoulder, with Daichi's arms curled around his torso. At first he continued to rub Koushi's stomach, but then his hands drifted south and he began to slowly coax Koushi's flaccid dick to hardness.

“No,” Koushi murmured, stretching the word out. “Don't jerk me off in the bath water. That's gross,” he said.

Daichi silently obeyed, and moved his hands back up to Koushi's stomach, massaging small circles into the skin, and taking minute cues from the shifts in Koushi's scent to figure out if the touches were soothing or not.

They made small conversations, which mostly consisted of Koushi apologizing and Daichi complimenting him. When the water began to cool, Daichi pulled the plug and got out first. He took a second to dry himself off so he wasn't dripping, and then he helped Koushi out.

Koushi's skin was faintly tinged pink from the heat and he was a little wobbly, but he was a lot more relaxed coming out of the bathtub than he was when he was getting out. Daichi looked in the bathroom closet and found the pajamas they'd set out in there in the morning, and the both dressed. Koushi brushed his teeth and Daichi doused his face in cold water, and then went to wait for Koushi on their bed.

“Why didn't you brush your teeth?” Koushi asked him after he appeared from the bathroom and sat down next to Daichi.

Daichi grinned, and said, “'Cuz my work's not done yet.”

Daichi pulled Koushi closer and kissed him, his tongue pushing into Koushi's mouth as he gripped the tops of Koushi's arms tight. Koushi melted into him, giving off cues of submission. Daichi pushed Koushi to rest his back against their pillows, and then kiss him again. He slipped his fingers under the waistband of Koushi's pajama pants and began to stroke his dick.

Koushi was responding quickly, and getting hard. He'd begun sweating again (so soon after they were clean), and Daichi was already starting to feel a bit loopy. His reality had narrowed into making sure this omega, his husband, was safe, comfortable, and pampered. He pulled Koushi's pajama pants up and over his knees, and the omega soon kicked them off and they landed in a heap by the foot of their bed, exposing his erection. 

Daichi didn't waste anytime getting to work. He settled himself between Koushi's legs, and enveloped the head of his dick in his mouth, sucking for just a moment before getting off. Koushi gasped and his hand flew to cover his mouth. This disgruntled Daichi, but in the middle of a blowjob wasn't a time to discuss any insecurities brought on by abnormal dependency or hormonal chaos. 

It was an uncomfortable position to give a blowjob in, but tonight wasn't about Daichi's comfort, it was about Koushi's. With one hand he rubbed Koushi's hipbone, and the other he grasped the sheets. He lowered his head and began to take in more of Koushi's dick. Daichi wasn't well versed in the realm of oral sex, but Koushi greatly enjoyed it, so Daichi would indulge him. 

His hand moved to grasp the base of Koushi's dick as he pulled off again, and caught his breath. He licked from the tip to the base, and then took a moment to suckle at Koushi's balls, his head hot between Koushi's thighs. Little whines were escaping Koushi, and he was trembling a bit. 

Since Koushi's hormonal changes had been causing him pain, they'd had a bit of a dry spell because Koushi was simply exhausted—and Daichi didn't think Koushi would last very long tonight, no matter how he tried.

He moved his head up and his lips once again enveloped the head of Koushi's dick as he moved further down, until it reached discomfort. He sucked hard, and began to continue a plain pattern of this as Koushi's breath grew more and more labelled, and his torso shook.

Finally, Koushi came in his mouth, Daichi swallowed, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand. “Want a kiss?” he leered.

“Ew,” Koushi responded, “You're disgusting.” Daichi got off the bed and Koushi mewled, simultaneously scrambling forward to grab his pants.

“Don't worry,” Daichi said, grinning. “I just gotta brush my teeth.”

_iii_

The next afternoon on his way home from work, Daichi ducked into the chocolatier's. Old Man's Chocolates was expensive, but Koushi had loved them when Daichi had bought them for him on previous Valentine's Days. Twice in two weeks was a little excessive, but Daichi thought Koushi deserved the world.

The chocolatier himself sat on the stool by the register. He was indeed an old man—his skin was ruffled and wrinkled and had a leathery look to it, but his eyes behind his spectacles were sharp, and full of life.

“You're back again,” he greeted Daichi, recognizing him from two weeks before when Daichi had come in to get Valentine's Day chocolates for Koushi. “Let me guess,” the chocolatier said, “Your omega's going to go into heat soon, isn't he?” Daichi blushed, and the old man chuckled. “I can smell it on you,” he said.

“Yeah,” Daichi said. “He was on suppressants for nine years, and he's having a hard time getting off them.”

The chocolatier whistled softly. “You two are a bit old, aren't you?” He said.

“Mhm. But we're very happy,” Daichi said, “It's just a bit rocky right now.”

“You're a good boy,” the chocolatier said. Daichi made his order for Koushi and the chocolatier boxed them up very prettily. Daichi paid and as he was leaving the little shop, the chocolatier called out, “Good luck!”

_iv_

On March 1 st , Koushi declared he was in preheat.

A sickly sweet edge had crept into his scent, and Koushi was no longer in pain as his body settled happily into his relaxed state for the next week. He was hungry and lazy and desired constant affection—Daichi held him, hugged him, kissed him, and complimented him.

He was on his feet again, and had begun nesting. They didn't have a home with a proper nesting room, so Koushi removed all the clothes from the walk in closet and spread them over the floor, hanging the ones that had to be hung to avoid bad wrinkles in the hallway closet. He disassembled the bed and dragged the mattress into the closet, which frankly stunned Daichi, and he'd fitted a waterproof protector over it, the heavy duty sort meant especially for omegas in heat. 

Things began to disappear from around the house and end up in the closet. He took all the pillows from the couch and their bed and lined the walls with them, and dragged in seemingly every blanket in their home. He precariously clipped one blankets corners to the corners of the walls, creating a lower ceiling in the nesting space, to help ease his anxiety during heat.

He'd begun to eat like crazy, and Daichi knew the science behind this. His body was fattening up in case it rejected food during his heat, and Daichi took this very seriously. Since getting off suppressants was very hard for Koushi, Daichi figured that Koushi could very well have a bad heat, so he purposefully prepared fatty and calorie rich foods, because Koushi was a lean omega, and he'd be a terrible alpha if accidentally allowed his mate to starve.

It was a relief for Koushi to settle into such a pleasant and relaxed mood. Daichi was glad that his husband was finally comfortable and peaceful, it was a nice respite after the struggles of Koushi's hormonal readjustment, and whatever discomforts next week would bring.

For however nervous Daichi was, he was also excited. His body itched to perform his biological imperative, and he knew it was close. He knew he smelled stronger, and his aggression had spiked recently, leading him to pick fights with others at work mostly. He escaped punishment only because everyone could smell Koushi's sticky preheat scent on him, and knew he was reacting to that, not any genuine hostilities.

On the fourth day of Koushi's preheat, when Daichi arrived home he smelled a foreign scent on the door. His protectiveness surged, and he wrenched the door open, and walked straight through without closing it behind him to find the source of that other scent.

He stalked into the living room, and growled at the intruder.

“What the hell?” Koushi said loudly, stirring Daichi from his frustration. “Daichi, it's just Shoyo!” 

Daichi took a second and realized it was just Shoyo—the sweet little omega who was their high school kouhai and still a close friend—but he couldn't shake the aggression and the defensiveness off.

Koushi got off the couch and pushed Daichi towards the door. “You're going to go to the kitchen and cook dinner,” Koushi ordered, “and I am going to go back to visiting my friend.”

_v_

On the day before Koushi's heat was supposed to start, Daichi woke up to the sound of Koushi breathing heavily. Koushi was not quite awake yet, but he was exhibiting signs of rousing, little moans and groans escaping from his lips and fidgeting in his limbs.

Daichi touched his arm, and realized that Koushi was just absolutely soaked with sweat.

His touch awoke Koushi from his slumber completely, and the omega rolled over to look at him, his eyes already wide open and a little bit frantic.

A cloying, heavy scent had settled over the tiny closet. This was the scent of heat. “Daichi,” Koushi whimpered, “Need you. Please.”

Daichi took a deep breath, trying to smell of the pheromones off his brain as he remembered what he was supposed to do. _If your omega wakes up in heat, have them drink water before you do anything else._ Every older alpha seemed to have told him that, so he hushed Koushi and scrambled up the mattress, finding the small stash of water bottles at the foot of it. “Koushi,” he said, “I need you to drink this before you do anything else.” He held out the bottle to Koushi, who still hadn't sat up, but was curled in on himself.

“Don't want to,” Koushi muttered. “I want to fuck.”

“Koushi no,” Daichi said, “I need you to drink this first. You're all sweaty,” he couldn't help but lower his voice, even though they were all alone, “and wet.” He pulled Koushi up to sit up resting against his chest, and uncapped the water bottle, cupping Koushi's hands around it. “You're dehydrated, Koushi, you need water first.”

“Hurts,” Koushi whined again. “'Ts so hot, Daichi. I need you.”

“Koushi, please,” Daichi said, starting to get frustrated. Koushi continued to refuse the water, and Daichi felt irritated that no one had ever told him it would be so _hard_. But still, for the next week, he was completely responsible for Koushi. “Come on,” he said, but finally had to accept that Koushi wouldn't take the water himself.

Koushi was breathing with his mouth open, so Daichi caught the rim between his lips and poured a small amount of water into his mouth. Koushi seemed to become more pliable, and then realized that truly, he was thirsty, and began to drink the water himself. Daichi quickly realized he was drinking far too quickly, but at least he was actually drinking.

Koushi drained the bottle and threw it aside, and then murmured, “Hurts,” again, his stomach a little swollen from the sudden intake of fluid. “Fuck,” he said.

“Shh, it's okay,” Daichi said, picking up the bottle and tossing it off the mattress. Daichi took to stripping Koushi, whose clothes were sticky with sweat against his skin. He gasped as his skin came into contact with the cool air, but it was a satisfying change to him.

Daichi pulled Koushi's pajama pants and boxers off him, and found the omega's dick hard and straining. The seat of his boxers was nearly soaked through with slick—Koushi must have already been in heat for several hours, floating some medium between unconsciousness and wakefulness until Daichi had awoken.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asked Koushi, rubbing his stomach.

Koushi whined. “Lots. Fuck me.”

“Just a few minutes, okay?” Daichi said, beginning to slip off his own clothing.

He _was_ aroused by the scent of heat, and Koushi knew it, and once he took off his own boxers Koushi's eyes were immediately drawn to his crotch. “How are you so normal right now?” Koushi said. “Supposed to go crazy.”

“I'm being responsible,” Daichi said, his own breath growing a little heavy. He needed to give Koushi a few more minutes for his stomach to settle. It usually took awhile for rut to set in, right? Ten minutes, about? “Because I care about you.”

“Stop caring, and fuck me,” Koushi ordered.

Daichi hushed Koushi again, but then moved to kiss him from his ear down his jawline. His entire body was sweaty, and it tasted like salt, but Daichi's instincts were pulling at him. His omega was in heat, he needed to please him.

He moved to kiss Koushi's neck, licking and sucking hard on a spot on his collar bone, mouthing it and biting it softly. “No,” Koushi whined. “No, no foreplay.” He pulled himself away and threw himself onto his knees, head down and ass reared for Daichi. Daichi finally lost his cool, feeling his stomach drop along with all the blood rushing backwards. “Aren't you alpha enough for this?” Koushi said, sounding almost irritable. “ _Fuck me!_ ” He insisted.

Daichi swallowed. This was the most gut of reactions—his omega, his everything—in the position every alpha lost their cool over. Koushi was begging for him. He was hydrated, he was awake, in heat, desperate, and needy.

Daichi knelt behind Koushi, and grabbed his ass with one hand, squeezing the fatty flesh. Koushi whined again, nudging his ass backwards towards Daichi. His knees were trembling. 

His hole was wet and loose, the skin around it was shiny with his slick. Daichi leaned forward and kissed one of his cheeks, and then moved his hand to pry the forgiving skin and push two fingers up to the second knuckle into Koushi. Koushi moaned, and Daichi pushed them in further, pushing them apart and pulling in and out. He hooked his fingers and Koushi's whole body just  _ sagged  _ as he found his prostate. 

He pushed in a third finger with the first two. Koushi was opening so quickly, his body was so pliable and welcoming. Daichi leaned in again, and pulled his fingers out and pushed in his tongue, licking up.

Koushi was quivering, breathy little whines and moans escaping his lips as Daichi rimmed him. It was wet and spitty, and Koushi was leaking slick—it was profuse and all over Daichi's chin and lips. He'd heard heat slick was supposed to taste heavenly, but he determined that it just tasted like a body fluid, rather like ejaculate—he'd heard when he was a teenager that omega cum tasted like sugar, but would later learn otherwise. Just like with this.

It wasn't the fluid that was intimate—it was the act, it was the person it was with. 

“Stop licking my ass and fuck me!” Koushi demanded. 

Daichi kissed Koushi's hole and said, “Okay. Alright.” He tried to ignore how husky his voice was, and he draped himself over the omega, grabbed his cock to align himself, and pushed in. 

Young alphas and omegas whiled away horny hours in their bedrooms alone imagining this act, it was the most simple and natural thing to do, but it'd been hyped up to Daichi his entire life as one of his most defining moment. He felt a feeling of excitedness and eagerness, but at the same time, a lonely stone of fear settled in his gut. What if he disappointed Koushi?

The only solution was that he simply could not disappoint Koushi.

Koushi's body arched as Daichi pushed in. Daichi had closed his eyes, but he could hear Koushi whimpering. The sound was strangely muffled—Daichi concluded that the omega was biting a pillow. 

He pulled out a little and then experimentally thrusted in again. Koushi's body was open and pliant, it would be so easy to bottom out from the very beginning and then set a rough, fast pace, and short term Koushi would probably feel more satisfied. 

However, Daichi still hadn't hit that hormonal switch that put him into rut yet, and he was starting to wonder when he would.

Without the haze of rut pulled over his eyes, he felt the vaguest feeling of unease. He felt excited and scared, like he had when he'd lost his virginity. Here he was, cock in an omega in heat, yet he still hadn't entered rut, he still wasn't as desperate as his omega.

He wanted to take it slow. He continued thrusting at a slow pace, going further into his omega everytime, until he finally bottomed out. Koushi was still whimpering into the pillow, soaking the edge through with spit, his eyes clenched shut. 

Daichi finally bottomed out, and then began to pick up the pace a little, fucking Koushi harder and faster. But he still didn't feel the frenzy of rut. He recalled whispered conversations with Asahi from a few weeks before. 

_ “What does rut feel like?”  _ He'd asked.  _ “Be honest.” _

_ “I felt like someone else entirely. Aggressive, dominating... horny.” _ Asahi said.  _ “I was just as wild as Nishinoya was.” _

Why wasn't he in rut? Was something wrong?

He tried to push the worrying thoughts from his mind. This was supposed to be special, for both him and Koushi. He picked up the pace again a little, keeping receptive to Koushi, who had started to shake and moan. His body was squeezing around Daichi, trying to coax out his knot.

Daichi felt himself getting closer, as he started to lose the rhythm to his thrusts. Koushi was still biting hard on the pillow, his whole body was flushed. His hair was practically dripping wet with sweat. 

And then Daichi came. He breathed heavily through the orgasm, cumming inside Koushi. And then, when his head had cleared, he realized he hadn't knotted.

It was something he hadn't thought about. The alpha knots when the omega is in heat. He never realized the alpha didn't knot if the alpha wasn't in rut. He had failed. He had failed at his most basic biological purpose, and he'd also failed to please Koushi. The omega had experienced no relief, Daichi hadn't made him cum. 

Daichi pulled out his now flaccid and oversensitive cock, and laid down next to Koushi, stroking his. Koushi lied down on his side next to him, and accepted the ministrations. He had no outrageous reactions, only soft gasps gave away his pleasure until the omega finally spilled his cum on the sheets.

The orgasm, no matter how weak it was, brought clarity back to Koushi's mind, at least for a little while. The omegas voice was raspy as he asked, “Daichi, what went wrong?”

Daichi was quiet for a moment. Pensive. He was a failure as an alpha. Koushi had been right—he wasn't alpha enough for this. There was something wrong with him. He was defective. 

“Daichi? Did I do something wrong?” Koushi pressed.

Dammit. Daichi shouldn't have been silent—omegas emotions were way more volatile in heat—especially insecurity. “No, it wasn't you at all.” Daichi said. “I never... I never went into rut.”

Koushi was quiet. “That... happens?” He whispered.

“I... I guess so.” Daichi said. 

Koushi pulled himself close to the alpha, nuzzling against him. They were both sticky and sweaty. Koushi's scent was so thick and Daichi loved the scent of it, but why wasn't he reacting properly?

“Oh, Daichi...” Koushi whispered into his chest.

“I'll... I'm gonna go out and get one of those dildos that knot,” Daichi said. “Silicon or flesh, mine or not, you're gonna need a knot to get through this, aren't you?”

“O-okay,” Koushi answered. 

Daichi sat up on the sheets, and left the heat room. He showered quickly, and got dressed again in the bedroom. 

He ducked into the nest, and realized that Koushi was crying. He was not inconsolable, but Daichi only felt worse. “Um,” Daichi said, unsure of what to say. He took a water bottle from the floor by the foot of the mattress, and threw it into the nest next to Koushi. “Drink that before your heat spikes again, okay? I'll be back as soon as possible.”

Koushi nodded.

Daichi slipped on his shoes and grabbed his keys and wallet. Even with the shower, he stank of heat—everyone would be staring at him once he stepped out the door. He locked their apartment door behind himself, and then praised whatever supreme being there may be, because nobody else was in the elevator when he got on.

Koushi was going to divorce him after this heat, he was sure of it. Alphas weren't supposed to be defective! Every once in awhile you got an infertile omega, or an omega whose heats were erratic and sudden, or an omega that couldn't manage to carry their child to term, but Daichi had never once heard of an alpha who failed to go into rut. 

He had all the biological distinctions of an alpha—he had the hormones, he had the scent. His penis definitely had a perfectly well developed knot. So what had happened? Why was he stuck out like some beta buying a knotting dildo for their omega lover?

Rut or not, impending divorce or not, he still had a duty to fulfill. For the duration of his heat, Daichi was responsible for Koushi's wellbeing. Every moment out of the house was giving him anxiety. He booked it down four blocks to the sex shop he'd walked by a million times but never entered—he and Koushi were not very kinky. 

The clerk looked up at him with some sort of mild interest, and greeted him cordially. Daichi wanted to do this himself and get it over with, he didn't want to be judged by this stranger.

But this stranger could probably have him in and out the door in at least half the time.

“Hi,” Daichi meekly said, his greeting a little too late to not be awkward. “I, um, I need a dildo with a knotting function.”

The clerk appraised him, but no reaction seemed evident. He got out from behind the counter and started walking down the aisle. He was a beta, and Daichi hurriedly followed.

“How big do you want it?” He asked, a fake pleasantness in his voice. 

“Um... just average,” Daichi answered, blushing wildly. 

“Okay... um...” The clerk looked over the shelves. Daichi didn't even want to look at the displays, they were all so lewd and really, he was so vanilla. “'Scuse me,” the beta said, his eyes catching something on the shelf near Daichi. He accidentally bumped into Daichi as he reached for it, and that's when the clerk's weak beta nose figured him out.

“Shit dude, you smell like heat,” he said. “What are you doing here?” 

Daichi would never come back here, if things went his way, and he would never see this beta again. He looked down at his shoes, and said. “My omegas in heat, but I didn't go into rut. I didn't knot him.”

“Oh, man, that's rough,” the clerk said, suddenly sympathetic. He took the package off the shelf, and gave it to Daichi. The picture of the dildo on the outside showed a weird, off fleshy pink thing. The dildo was not freakishly large, in fact it equalled his own six inches. The circumference of the knot was what his  _ should _ have been, had he used it. “Lots of betas with omega companions buy this one,” the clerk said. “It's not too wild. Modest.” 

“Yeah,” Daichi said, biting his lip. “That's us.” He held the package tightly, and said, “I'll get this one.”

They walked quietly up to the front of the room, and Daichi thanked the starts that apparently nobody else was at this sex shop at ten in the morning on a weekday. The cashier rang him up, and sensing Daichi's mood, did not try to make any further conversation than necessary.

“Thank you,” Daichi said. He really was grateful for the clerk's help, and his apparent lack of judgement upon Daichi.

“Don't worry about it, man,” the clerk said. “I hope it works out, and a doctor can fix you up for next year.”

 

 


	2. what was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for your comments and support! They have meant so much to me.

_vi_

Daichi had hurried home from the shop, clutching the toy in the brown paper bag it'd been wrapped in. He kept his head low and returned almost automatically, praying for no further human interaction before he got home.

He was once again blessed with an empty elevator, and once he arrived inside the apartment he could still hear Koushi crying, but the smell in the air told him that his heat had spiked again. He hurried through the apartment and into the nest, dropping the paper bag on the floor by the door and crawled onto the mattress.

Koushi was curled into a ball, his face pressed deep into a pillow. His body was wracking with sobs, but once Daichi's weight had settled next to him, he was able to choke out, “I thought you weren't coming back.”

Daichi felt shameful. He was such a fuck up, he had to leave his omega in heat all alone to satisfy him. “Of course I was, Koushi,” Daichi told him, wrapping his arms around the mewling omega. Koushi smelled like he was extremely aroused, and Daichi felt his erection as the omega clung onto him, but Koushi didn't move to do anything about it. Instead, he buried his nose into Daichi's chest, breathing in his scent.

“Do alphas smell different in rut?” Koushi asked. His eyes were red, and Daichi could see the dried tear stains on his cheeks. Daichi gently rubbed his eyes, and then bent forward to kiss the omega's forehead.

“I don't know,” Daichi replied. As far as he knew, rut was simply behavior, but it made sense for rut to have a large impact on an alpha's scent—great, the cynical part of him hand begun to scream—even his scent couldn't properly satisfy his omega.

For the first time in a long time, Daichi felt the urge to cry. He had ruined everything. The dildo would help Koushi, but the heat was going to be miserable without a real knot, they always were. A bad feeling hung over this event for both of them. Daichi was a fuck up.

Daichi got out of his clothes, trying to disturb Koushi as little as possible. He threw them out of the closet, and then unwrapped the dildo and threw the packaging out too—he could clean that stuff up later.

Koushi was starting to get visibly uncomfortable again, and Daichi was to take care of him. Desiring comfort and warmth, the omega curled up next to Daichi, his skin red and sweaty once again. Daichi noted that Koushi had listened to him before he'd left, and had drunk his water.

Daichi pulled himself up and sat between the omega's knees, and stroked his erection. Koushi's scent shifted, revealing his pleasure as he mewled, this time with his hand clapped over his mouth. Koushi arched his spine, lifting his hips, and Daichi took the hint and let go of his dick. He went lower, and pushed two fingers inside Koushi's hole.

The flesh was warm and seemed boiling hot. Koushi was still so wet—his slick had dripped all over the sheets and soiled them, but Daichi would figure out changing the sheets after this.

He thrusted his fingers a few times, and then added a third, angling to find Koushi's prostate. The omega was keening—his heat and arousal, his desperation made him so easy to push over the edge.

Daichi moved to grab the dildo, but Koushi unexpectedly reached up and grabbed his wrist. “No,” Koushi said. “Give me the knot later. I want you to fuck me though, not the dildo.”

Daichi hadn't really been aroused himself through all of this—perhaps he'd let himself grow too detached. In rut or not, omegas in heat were attractive to alphas. He was surprised he'd not gotten hard, now that he was thinking about it. There was an easy solution to that, however. Koushi stunk of pheromones. He bent down and began to lick Koushi's balls, pleasuring the omega and gently breathing in the scent of Koushi's heat musk.

The smell of it made his head spin, and it definitely caused him to become aroused, but he still wasn't going into rut. He desperately wished that he would, that something would finally trigger it and push him off the cliff, so he could do his job right. He felt like a beta, and he hated it.

Koushi's fingers were in his hair, rubbing his scalp. Koushi was participating more this time than he had the time before—even though he hadn't been properly satisfied, he wasn't nearly so weak as he had been. The omega sat up straighter to kiss Daichi, wet and sloppy. The heat was really affecting him, Daichi thought, to be kissing Daichi right after Daichi had been licking his balls. It was something that Koushi was staunchly against when he was out of season.

Daichi stopped kissing his lips, instead he kissed down the curve of Koushi's lower jaw, and then down his neck. He began to kiss and suck on a spot, and then bit down, not nearly hard enough to break the skin but enough to make Koushi's body jerk at the display of dominance.

Koushi's submissive scent seemed to just bloom into the air—it was a contentedly scent too. Daichi was proud of himself—he had satisfied his omega. Finally.

Daichi continued to suck on the spot until he was satisfied, and then reached down again to breech Koushi once more. His body was so pliable like this, his fingers sunk in so easily. Koushi cried out, “Daichi, please!”

He knew the omega was getting overwhelmed. Koushi's mind was probably a mess of hormones and emotions. It was undue to tease him much longer, he decided. He lifted Koushi's ankles over his shoulders, and on his own the omega crossed them. Grasping the base of his dick, Daichi guided himself to Koushi's hole, and pushed in.

Daichi would not, and could not be enough to fully satisfy Koushi like this, so he would just have to try to be as close as possible. He pressed in until their hips were flush against each other, his eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. Koushi's body was so warm and tight, and he was so weak to him. How could he ever deserve an omega as perfect as this one?

Koushi was so aroused, his cock hard and red. Dribbles of precome had spilled onto his stomach, and the omega moaned loudly as Daichi bottomed out. He took in big gulping breaths as Daichi panted. The omega's fingers curled around the loosening sheets, holding them tight.

Daichi began his first slow experimental thrusts, figuring out what Koushi wanted. Koushi was quick to inform him, and panted, “Faster,” so Daichi obeyed, picking up the pace and fucking him harder, making the omega cry out in pleasure.

The fitted sheets had come undone and were starting to bunch up around them, disturbed by the vigorousness of their movements. The omega was red and flushed, sweating like mad. His scent had filled the room thick and heavy in the air, yet still Daichi did not go into rut. Somehow it evaded him. He could not think about this, however. He had an omega to satisfy.

He would think more on it later, he resolved, as he thrusted once more. He looked at Koushi, his beautiful thick eyelashes so prominent with his eyes closed. His face was red and shiny, his lips hanging open as he emitted a constant stream of little moans.

Daichi knew that his omega was so, so close, on the threshold of orgasm by the looks of it, yet he needed a knot to finish. Daichi was not going to provide the omega with such. Instead, he gripped the base of the omega's cock, and stroked gently. The omega moaned loudly.

He was so wet and loose, and it had been so easy, little more than going through the motions to prepare him, yet at the same time the omega was still so tight and hot. Even when he wasn't in rut, mating with an omega in heat was still such an intense and emotional experience. It was so bittersweet, but Daichi was still having an experience that had been worth looking forward to all along.

Koushi clenched his insides, and that was enough—the tight heat sent him over the edge as he orgasmed. Once again, no knot. He felt like a failure, but he did not have time for that. The omega watched him with heavy lidded eyes as Daichi grabbed the dildo and pushed it into Koushi's open hole. He fucked Koushi with it a few thrusts, before pushing it all the way in and pressing the button that inflated the dildo's knot with air.

Koushi came almost immediately, his body shaking as he finally got what he had needed all along. He came on his stomach, pearly fluid. He breathed in big gulping pants, but it seemed clarity was already returning to him.

Daichi grabbed a rug and wiped the omega's ejaculate off of him. The omega let out a tiny, contented sigh, and pulled Daichi close to him.

“You're not the one knotting me,” Koushi whispered, “but I still want my mate's cuddles while I'm knotted.”

Daichi swallowed heavily, and wrapped his arms around the omega, letting Koushi tuck his head under Daichi's neck as he clung to him. His breath was heavy, and he was wet with sweat, but he was nearly coherent.

“Are you... are you mad?” Daichi said, “That I didn't go into rut?”

“Of course I'm not,” Koushi said. “It's okay. Things don't always go as planned.”

“But what if there's something wrong with me?” Daichi extrapolated, “What if I can never go into rut, and I can never knot you, and we can never be mates or have a family?”

“You're still my husband,” Koushi said, “I love you. We will figure it out. Things don't have to be perfect—alphas and omegas aren't like the movies.”

Daichi could stop it anymore, and he felt the tears streak down his cheeks, first only a few, and then more and more. “I failed you.” Daichi said.

“Don't worry about it,” Koushi said. “You didn't do anything wrong. It's just really unfortunate luck.”

Daichi tried to say something, but he didn't have the strength in it, so he let out a heavy sob. The omega nuzzled him and began to kiss his neck. He was humming from somewhere deep in his throat, and this was all wrong, wasn't it? The omega being strong for the alpha?

He didn't voice those feelings. Instead, he whispered, “Hold me closer, Koushi.”

The omega gripped him tighter and slung a leg over Daichi's abdomen, and Daichi let himself lull into a state of relaxation and satisfaction as they waited for the fake knot to deflate, temporarily placated.

_vii_

In some ways, Daichi was a lot more suited to care for his omega than an alpha in rut could be. He was able to get out of the nest long enough while Koushi was asleep in order to cook them both real meals—it wasn't anything fancy, but lovingly prepared pasta did seem to perk the omega up more than nutrition bars could.

Halfway through the second day, the omega definitely needed the pick me up. Daichi had made sure that Koushi was appropriately fed and drank his water, but the omega had still taken sickly—he woken up unable to sit up in bed, and had been desperate and mewling.

He was very dehydrated, and Daichi repeated the unpleasant process of getting the omega to drink a bottle of water, and then he got out of the nest and prepared oatmeal for the pair of them, making it just the way Koushi preferred, with way too much cinnamon and brown sugar.

Getting the omega to eat it was slow. He sat down on the mattress with the oatmeal in the bowl and a large spoon tucked in, and picked up a refilled water bottle, hoping to get more water into Koushi's system during the meal.

He leaned up against the wall and pulled Koushi into his lap to get the omega to sit up a little so he could feed him safely, and then he held up the bowl in front of the pair of them, and began to feed Koushi small spoonfuls. The omega was no longer fighting with him about eating, and his scent seemed satisfied, but Koushi had yet to really speak that morning.

“It's really kind of scary,” Daichi said allowed as he filled another spoonful and fed it to Koushi. “Being responsible for you, and being unable to properly satisfy you like you deserve. I'm still mad at me for that, I'm sorry.”

He opened the water bottle and tipped a small gulped into Koushi's mouth, then took a big gulp for himself. Still, the omega did not respond—he seemed to be focusing on the task of eating.

“But I really like taking care of you, too,” Daichi said. “I like to make you feel safe, and to comfort you. Everyone always talks about how such good mothers omegas are,” he went on, “But I think alphas are really great dads too, and don't get enough credit. I wouldn't know for sure though.”

He fed Koushi another bite, and then put the bowl down a moment to pull a blanket over them, feeling Koushi shiver a little in his embrace. “I always liked your alpha father,” Daichi said. “He seemed like such a good provider, and he loves you and your mother so much.”

He took another sip of water for himself, and was then surprised when Koushi suddenly grappled to grab the bowl and spoon and feed himself. Daichi let him. “I wonder what your alpha father will say when he finds out,” he said, the statement more for the empty space than for Koushi really.

Koushi's alpha father had liked Daichi, and had approved of him. When the inevitability of them telling Koushi's parents the truth came upon them, Daichi hoped that Koushi's father would be kind and accepting, and help him. He had no older alphas in his family—over the years, Koushi's father had become a bit of a mentor to him, a role model. He hoped his father would still be so good to him, and wouldn't see him as a good for nothing defective alpha his son had made the mistake of marrying.

Daichi was really, really scared that this wasn't some strange hormonal imbalance, and that it was going to be a permanent condition that would prevent them from ever being bonded as alpha and omega are meant to be. But he wasn't going to voice this yet. He hadn't even taken the time to try to look up and see if his experience had happened to anyone else on the internet.

He combed his fingers through Koushi's soft hair as the omega ate breakfast, and dutifully sipped his water, until the oatmeal was all gone and so was half of the bottle.

A make out session, a knotted dildo, and some cuddling was enough to coax Koushi to sleep. If Daichi couldn't make this good for Koushi, if he couldn't complete his biological imperative, he was going to make this the least unpleasant it could possibly be.

_viii_

Daichi had scheduled a doctor's appointment while Koushi was still in heat, and two days after he had come out the two had taken yet another day off from work, gotten dressed in the morning, and left to see the doctor.

Daichi was nervous throughout his entire body. It felt like everyone in the streets was staring at him, even though in reality they all had places to be and families they were thinking of, unconcerned about another young alpha passing them by.

Koushi wanted desperately to talk to Daichi, but couldn't figure out how, and Daichi could tell. To get to the bottom of it, Daichi himself didn't know what there was to say to Koushi. It was a difficult matter to discuss, and neither wanted to discuss it. Daichi had decided not to look up what had happened to him on the internet, and to wait for the doctor, as to not needlessly scare himself.

They arrived at the doctor's office and signed in quickly, and then sat down in the small waiting room. The office was a specialist's clinic for alphas, which Daichi had been to a few times several years ago, and there were not many other's waiting in the room, given the early hour on a weekday. There was one haphazard looking alpha holding a wriggling daughter in his lap, and sitting in the other row of chairs along the far wall was a well groomed female omega who was looking at a Cosmopolitan magazine—not a hair on her head was out of place, and her make up was pretty but intense. She was the kind of omega that always made Koushi nervous. Daichi paid no further attention to her.

The waiting room was quiet, the only sounds being the secretary's incessant typing (What was she typing about, Daichi wondered) and the faint noise of a radiator in the back corner.

An alpha just as well groomed as the female omega exited the office and finished his paperwork, before signing out and taking the omega with him. The alpha with his daughter was called into the office, and then a few minutes later a gray haired alpha came out and called Daichi in. “Does your omega want to join us?” The doctor asked him.

Daichi looked at Koushi, who nodded, and told the doctor, “Yes, he would.”

The doctor led the pair down the hallway into a small white examination room, and introduced himself to Koushi, who had not met him before. First, he asked Daichi general questions about his health. How much did he exercise? Four hours a week. Did he eat a balanced diet? Yes. Had Koushi noticed any irregularities in his scent? No. How was his emotional health? Just fine.

The doctor then went on to ask, “So, what exactly happened?”

“Well,” Daichi said, “A few months ago Koushi and I decided that we wanted to bond and have a family. So Koushi went off his suppressants, we took time off of work, got ready for the heat and everything. And then when Koushi was in heat and I was mating with him, I just didn't go into rut at all. I didn't feel any different, and when I orgasmed, I didn't knot him. So it didn't work.”

“Well, you don't need me to tell you, but your omega can't possibly be pregnant, and you aren't bonded,” the doctor said, flipping through some papers. “I want to take a look at your knot, is that alright?” He asked.

“Yes.”

The doctor took a paper gown out of the cupboard and handed it to Daichi. “I'm going to go grab some papers, please change into this while I'm gone.”

Daichi undressed quickly and Koushi helped him pull the loud paper gown over his head and onto him. Daichi seated himself back upon the examination table and afforded himself the pleasure of swinging his feet as he sat upon it, like a child. Koushi looked sad and ashen.

The doctor returned and began his examination. It made Daichi feel like a fourteen year old again as the doctor examined his body, quickly and professionally, making sure there was nothing physically wrong with him. His gloved fingers pressed on the bulb at the base of his penis, and then he drew his hand away and peeled the glove off, throwing it away.

“Well,” the doctor said, “Physically, you're a completely normal, mature, and healthy male alpha.”

“Then what's wrong with me?” Daichi asked the doctor.

“Well, I have a couple theories,” he said, looking at his clipboard. “There are a couple different problems that can manifest into this effect, and they're all pretty rare.”

“What are they?” Koushi spoke up nervously. “Are there any other effects?”

“This could simply be a hormonal imbalance,” the doctor said, “And could be corrected through medication. This could also be the result of KDS, an STI which omegas and betas can carry without symptoms.”

“Neither of us had any partners besides each other, and we've both tested clean before,” Daichi said.

“I figured that from your records,” the doctor went on. “I think probably the most likely problem is you suffer from Kegan's syndrome—it's a genital defect that is most common in alphas who have beta parents.”

“How often does it occur?” Daichi asked.

“About 1 out of 50,000 alpha children from beta parents have it,” the doctor said. “Including all alpha children, you'd be one out of about 200,000.”

“What else does it do?”

“It has no other effects, besides preventing those who suffer from it from going into rut,” the doctor said. “Basically, the endocrine system doesn't receive the signals to produce rut hormones properly, so it doesn't happen. Otherwise, your health is completely unaffected.”

“Can it be treated?”

“Well, if it is what you have, then yes, but mostly no. So far it's experimental,” the doctor said. “Heat and rut hormones are volatile, and can vary a lot between different pairs, that's why the issue can't be solved by just giving you a hormonal injection to self administer before your omega would go into heat.”

“I understand,” Daichi said. “So how can you test it?”

“We need to take two samples of blood,” the doctor said. “It'll take about a week, and we can find out if you have Kegan's, or just a normal hormonal imbalance. If neither check out, then it'd be back to the drawing board.”

“That's fine with me.”

“Alright, let's get you to the nurse's station then. Take a moment to change and meet me outside,” the doctor said, and then left the room.

Koushi helped Daichi out of the paper gown, and then folded it up and threw it away while Daichi got back into his clothes. Koushi picked up their things, and the pair went back out to meet the doctor, who brought them to the small bay where the practice's nurses had their equipment.

“I need two blood samples from Sawamura here,” the doctor told the nurse, who nodded.

She made small talk with Daichi and Koushi as she cleaned his skin, and then took his blood quickly and efficiently. Koushi didn't like the sight of blood and looked away.

_ix_

Nine days later, they returned together for the follow up. Daichi spent the entire time feeling tense and altogether nervous about it, even though Koushi told him that everything would be fine.

They found themselves stuck in the examination room again. Daichi counted the dots on the ceiling while they waited, until his doctor let himself into the room. “No paper gowns this time, right?” Daichi said, as means of greeting him.

“No, there aren't,” his doctor told him, and then sat down on his stool. “So, we did your tests, and got back your results. As I figured, you've got Kegan's syndrome.”

“What does that mean for me?”

“Like I said before, it's going to stop you from ever going into rut,” the doctor said. “It has no other physical effects.”

“What about bonding, or having children? Is that impossible for us?” Daichi asked, worrying his lip between his teeth.

“Well, assuming that your partner is a perfectly normal male omega, you two can't naturally conceive,” the doctor said, frowning sadly. “However, if you two have the money, in vitro fertilization could be the answer to your having children.”

“What about bonding?” Koushi pressed.

“A bond can't be artificially forced,” the doctor said. “Until a treatment is figured out, tested, and made available for Kegan's, the two of you can't bond. I'm sorry.”

Koushi started to cry a little bit, quietly, but Daichi was immediately aware of it. He got up from the examination table and hugged his omega, who sat upon the other stool. “Don't worry about it, Koushi,” he said, “We'll figure everything out.”

“Well, that's pretty much all we had to cover. I have a little bit of paperwork for you, and then you're all done for the day.”

_x_

Probably the most uncomfortable part of the experience was the questions that people asked them. It had been obvious that the two of them had intended to bond, but the lack of the distinctive scent markers made people question.

Those who knew them casually and professionally kept their mouths shut. Their close friends did not, and the experience was hard.

One evening, Koushi went out with some friends to the movies, and Daichi had Tobio and Asahi over to hang out. Daichi knew the questions were coming, it was the first time that either of them would be in private with him since before Koushi's heat. He figured Koushi would be fielding similar questions as well.

It didn't come up until they were all on their second beer, until Tobio finally asked him, “So, what happened, Daichi?”

Daichi took a sip, and answered, “Everything seemed perfect. He woke up in heat, I made sure he was hydrated, but I just never went into rut. It didn't happen. So you know. No knot. No pregnancy. No bonds.”

The two made sympathetic noises. Both had bonded with their omegas, but had thus far failed to conceive. It seemed like they were a thousand steps ahead of Daichi.

“So why didn't you go into rut?” Asahi asked him.

“Well, I went to the doctor, and found out I had a pretty rare genetic defect that usually hits alphas born to beta parents.”

“Any treatments that will work?”

“Nothing.”

“Ouch.”

The mood was somber, and although Daichi was wallowing, at the same time, he didn't want their pity. He wanted to be happy with his friends. He changed the subject quickly, and they were both receptive to it, for which he was thankful.

Koushi's parents had been supportive of them, and Daichi felt happy that Koushi's parents hadn't rescinded their approval of him for this. He could tell that they were sad, but they had comforted him just as they had Koushi, which put at least some of Daichi's worries to rest.

Daichi's mother had blamed herself, and had apologized over and over again once she heard the news, and found out the disorder largely affected alphas with beta parents. It was hard to comfort her over the phone, and Daichi's father had to step in, and he too was sad to hear of it. He had been more helpful in calming Daichi's mother down though. It wasn't their choice to have a child who was an alpha after all—it was a coincidence of genetics, a quirk. Just as it wasn't Daichi's choice to have a genetic disorder.

Daichi found solace in a strange place. He stumbled upon an association of people who also had Kegan's syndrome while Googling to find out more about the disease. There were very few people in the group, but he was able to sign up and join the group, and speak with them.

Many of the people in the group had sob stories about omega lovers who left them, or were forced apart once the omegas parents turned away their acceptance learning of the alpha's failings. One person had had children with their omega via IVF, and Daichi was interested in hearing about that, but refrained from reaching out to them.

Daichi's communication was in some means limited—the group was English speaking, and his English ability was limited. However, he was noticing that his skills were rapidly improving, even though he still didn't understand quite a lot and had to look things up. However, the other members were supportive of him, and the group was definitely helping him to accept his disorder. It was nice to know that he was not alone in this, that other's had gone through the same horror and fright.

One evening, just as he had finished writing a post, Koushi sat down next to him and offered him some food. “On your forum again?” he teased.

Daichi closed the laptop and put the plate in front of him. “I really like it,” he said, and shrugged. “Some of the alphas on there who have omegas have them on the board as well. Maybe you should join, talk to them.”

Koushi hummed, and said, “I'll think about it.” He got up and grabbed his own plate of food, and then sat down and began to eat, letting a few moments pass in silence as they both ate.

“I'm really lucky to have you,” Daichi suddenly said. “A lot of those alphas... Well, they lost their omegas once they learned about it, and haven't been able to find new partners.”

“I'd never leave you,” Koushi replied. “You're like my other half. It's just a little bit more complicated for us than everyone else.”

In some ways, it had begun to feel like the ordeal was finally at it's end. Koushi was on his suppressants again. All the questions that were to be asked had been.

Koushi's heat felt like some rapidly fading dream to Daichi. It wasn't a nightmare, but it wasn't pleasant either, and it felt like it hung onto him. A reminder.

After dinner that night, the pair got into bed, but did not turn off their lamps and go to sleep immediately. For awhile, they both read. Daichi found himself growing disinterested in his book, so he moved his foot to rub his cold toes over Koushi's legs.

The omega closed his book, and looked at Daichi, his eyebrows furrowed, and said, “What do you think you're doing?”

“Telling my husband I want to cuddle,” Daichi said sweetly.

Koushi then chuckled, and the pair rearranged themselves. The books were put on their nightstands, and the lamps were turned off. Koushi huddled against Daichi, who had moved to lay over the omega, straddling his hips and kissing him gently.

Koushi's opened his mouth, and Daichi reciprocated the motion, letting Koushi kiss him hard, entirely in control of events. After a moment they broke apart for air, a string of saliva connecting them. It felt on Koushi's chin. “Gross,” the omega said, wiping it off with the back of his hand and then on the sheets.

“We're twenty four years old,” Daichi commented, “But we still act like teenagers together.”

“Yeah, we do,” Koushi said, and couldn't help but to giggle.

Daichi rolled over to cuddle up to his omega, throwing a leg over his hips. He rested his forehead against the other's, and exhaled through his nose. “Koushi, I have something I've been meaning to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“When you were in heat, after we mated that first time, and I didn't knot, why did you cry?” Daichi said. He tried not to let it into his voice, tried not to let Koushi figure out how much anxiety his tears had given him, but it was a hard thing to do.

“I thought I'd done something wrong,” Koushi said. Daichi breathed in sharply. “I thought there was something wrong with me and my heat, and that's why you didn't rut and didn't knot.”

“But that's ridiculous.”

“Omegas have a lot more conditions that mess up heat and their being knotted than alphas do,” Koushi said, “It wasn't a weird thing to think at all, especially because my thoughts were all jumbled and confused.” His eyes closed, and he said, “I thought you were going to leave me.” It sounded as though it was hard for him to keep his voice from wavering.

“How stupid it was,” Daichi said. “We were thinking the exact same thing.” He was a little amused, and his voice showed it.

His mirth spread to Koushi too. “And we're both too fucking head over heels for it to ever be possible,” Koushi said, and grinned.

He was so beautiful. Daichi was overcome by it, and Daichi kissed him again. This time it was slower, more tender. They parted again, and their eyes fluttered open. The way Koushi's brown eyes looked at him in the dark, barely illuminated by their alarm clock and night lights was so addictive. Daichi felt so wanted.

So what if they were lacking a knot, a bond, or a pregnancy?

It was still so good to be young and in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :*
> 
> (p.s. throw me a bone and follow me on tumblr, my url is aphlithuania)


End file.
